The Empty Nest and Back to School Season: Creating a New Routine for Yourself
Back to school season has always had a certain type of feel to it. New schedules, activities, homework, sports, and hectic mornings. Fall has felt this way for so many years, you can hardly remember a time before. For many parents, particularly mothers, back to school season can bring unexpected feelings of grief, anxiety, loneliness, and uncertainty as children grow up and leave home. This year if your children have grown and left home, this time of year can feel very different. Instead of excitement about a new school year, you may find yourself facing a quieter house, a lot more time on your hands, and a grief you knew was coming but didn’t quite expect at the same time.
Give Yourself Permission to Feel the Change
It’s perfectly normal for an empty nest to bring a mixture of emotions. Missing the noise, activities, the way you were needed, the version of your family that you’ve grown to love and enjoy. At the same time, you may feel relief and excitement for this version of your life (and this version of your kids). As with most things, there is no right way to feel. You can be incredibly happy for your children and still miss them deeply. Both feelings can exist at the same time. Instead of judging yourself for how you’re feeling, try giving yourself permission to acknowledge the changes.
Create a Routine That Is About You
For years, your daily routine most likely revolved around the needs of your children. Their schedules, activities, appointments, meals, and needs probably determined much of your day. Now you have an opportunity to create a routine that reflects your needs.
Some thoughtful questions to ask yourself:
· What activities have you always wanted to try?
· Are there hobbies you put aside while raising your children?
· Is there something you’ve been saying you “don’t have time” for?
· Are there friendships or relationships you’d like to nurture?
· How can you incorporate movement or exercise into your week?
· What would make your days feel meaningful?
Creating a new routine doesn’t mean filling every empty hour, but intentionally deciding how you want this next chapter of your life to look.
Reconnect With Parts of Yourself
Parenthood has a way of becoming such an important part of your identity that it can be difficult to remember who you were before your children needed so much of your attention. This transition can be an opportunity to reconnect with parts of yourself that you may have set aside.
Expect Some Trial and Error
If you have no idea what this will look like, that’s okay! You may discover that an activity you thought you’d love, isn’t for you. You may have days when you feel energized and others when the quiet feels especially difficult. This is a major life transition, and it will take time to settle into. Practice tapping into what you need versus what you should be doing. Connection, a good cry, structure, a nice meal, a walk with a neighbor, music, or a sappy movie? Any of these examples can be a way to help you process your emotions around your changing role.
How Can an Empty Nest Affect Your Mental Health
Major life transitions can bring anxiety, sadness, loneliness, or a sense of uncertainty about the future. If these feelings begin interfering with your relationships, sleep, work, or ability to enjoy your life, it may be helpful to seek support. Therapy can provide a space to process the emotions that come with an empty nest, explore your changing identity, and begin creating a meaningful next chapter.
Creating Your Next Chapter
An empty nest isn’t just about what you’re leaving behind. It’s also an opportunity to consider what you want to move toward. As we sink into September, think about creating a routine that isn’t centered around what everyone else needs from you, but around who you are and what you need in this next stage of your life.
If you’re in Rehoboth Beach, Lewes, Sussex County, or anywhere in Delaware or Maryland and you’re struggling with an empty nest, anxiety, grief, or another major life transition, therapy can offer a compassionate and supportive place to work through these changes.
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